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I stopped breathing.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know, but I lifted my head and looked at the man in the black hat.
Just in time, a gust of wind stole his hat and tried to run away.
The hat attached to the end of the robe swayed violently in the wind and then sank.
Even his golden hair, which must have been neat, was scattered in the wind.
– He has beautiful blonde hair and the master’s blue eyes. He’s noticeable so you’ll be able to recognize him from a distance. You look a lot alike.
The butler’s voice, which she was unaware of, sounded like an echo.
I retorted strongly in my mind.
I don’t look like him.
An upright expression and friendly warmth were something I didn’t have.
If I had to pick one, the only resemblance were the blue eyes that she would have inherited from Rubenio.
Other than that, the butler’s remark that they looked a lot alike was a lie.
It was wrong to say that it would be recognizable from a great distance.
Standing so close, his face was still blurry.
The more I opened my eyes, the more blurred my vision was.
There were many places I wanted to see more of, such as the eyes, nose and mouth, but I couldn’t see them.
“My … sweetheart…”
Rubenio pleaded with strength in his body as if he was about to jump over the wall at any moment.
I opened my eyes at his call.
Tears welled up in my eyes and it was so dark in front of me.
I wondered if I was going to be blind and my breathing was disturbed.
Finally, the falling tears cleared my vision.
At the same time, it became uncontrollably cloudy.
From the moment I saw Rubenio, I became light headed as if I was out of breath.
Unable to withstand the heavy hammering that kept hitting my brain, my heart swelled up and fell down and down again.
He jumped over the wall that was at the height of his chest.
As he ran, I grabbed my chest and gasped for breath.
His face, as he ran with all his might, was desperate and my eyelids became heavier.
‘Don’t go…… please……’
Once I closed my eyes, when I opened them again, he might not be there, however I had no choice but to be swept away.
At that moment, I especially hated these eyes that closed all the time.
* * *
Caesar’s arm, which had been wrapped around her shoulders from the moment Nineina’s breath became heavy, steadily supported her, who had lost consciousness and was dropping.
His gaze fell further down after resting at the side of her head, which flashed briefly the moment she lost consciousness.
Although short of breath, Nineina was breathing properly.
Caesar, who had been paying attention only to her breathing for over a minute, raised his head and said,
“Her strength has been exhausted. It’s not your fault.”
Despite Caesar’s explanation, Rubenio’s complexion did not return.
Rubenio, who was standing tall looking only at Nineina, slowly bent his knees and looked closely at her face.
Tears that hadn’t dried yet glistened on her cheeks.
His hand almost brushed the hair off her cheek, but backed away.
“Is this… often?”
Caesar did not answer.
Rubenio’s body trembled with fear.
He knew the child was sick.
Most of the reports on the child were about where and how it got worse.
So he thought he was used to this pain.
For 20 years, he had the pain of scraping the ground and messing up his hands and the urge to cut off the legs that couldn’t go.
Still the truth is, it was weak.
It was nothing compared to seeing her fall in front of his eyes.
It was truly a heartbreak where he would rather die.
If he could just pour out the life he had, he would have done it even if he had to tear his heart out.
If she could get any better, he could sell his soul to the devil.
“But why… why my child…!”
No father could ever live comfortably with his child like this.
There was no joy in Rubenio’s life. Because his joy existed only in a distant place.
Rubenio has suffered from insomnia for a long time.
He was living by interfering with his proper sleep.
He didn’t stop for 20 years because that was the only self-harm he could do that would show a normal appearance.
But that didn’t make Rubenio be in pain.
It was so disappointing that it was unbearable.
The marvelous resilience of this world has not ruined a person by simply disturbing his sleep.
Nineina, who was born weak, was the only exception.
“Why does my child have to be in so much pain? Why do you have to…!”
“You should lay down comfortably.”
Caesar looked at Rubenio once and said.
Rubenio got up hurriedly when he was told that he had to lie down.
Caesar, who was about to stand up after Rubenio, stopped and looked outside the wall.
It was for a brief moment, but he felt a gaze.
Caesar held out Nineina slightly, asking Rubenio to take her.
“You need to support her neck with your forearms and hold them carefully.”
Caesar looked at Rubenio who seemed to not know he was her father.
There were already many servants around, but Caesar chose Rubenio.
Because Rubenio, whose hands were shaking, was the safest for her.
It was a situation where he felt a gaze which I did not recognize.
If Rubenio had not been by his side, Caesar would not have handed her over to anyone.
Then her arm trembled slightly and hit Rubenio’s hand.
“My baby may not like it…”
Surprised by the body temperature, Rubenio stretched out his arms and said so.
Caesar, both in words and action, looked at Rubenio for a moment.
He only moved when he felt that Rubenio could reliably receive her.
“I don’t think so..”
As Caesar whispered, he pulled out the hand that was behind her neck.
If she really hated Rubenio, she wouldn’t have looked at Rubenio with that face.
Caesar was confident and carefully laid her down in Rubenio’s arms.
When Caesar’s hand completely escaped, her body fell into Rubenio’s.
“…20 years have passed.”
It weighed less than a handful.
Rubenio did not miss a single day, imagining the child.
When we met again, he contemplated how to speak and act.
Among them was Nineina, who was happy to welcome him, and there was Nineina, who hated him and shouted not to appear again.
Of course, the latter was the most frequent of the extreme thoughts without a middle ground.
But none of these terrifying imaginations were like this.
‘I’m so late… I’m so sorry, baby…’
He was afraid that it would sound like an easy apology, so he couldn’t even speak to the child who couldn’t hear.
No one will know how long Rubenio waited to hold his daughter again.
During this moment, which I had hoped for so much, the sadness was far greater than the joy.
“Master, your room is on this side.”
The villa’s butler quickly intervened and guided Rubenio, who was standing still holding Nineina.
Rubenio, thinking that Nineina should lie down, hurriedly followed the butler.
Caesar followed Rubenio closely with an interval of about one meter behind him.
“This is the room.”
Although it was the child’s room which he wondered about every moment, Rubenio walked straight to the white bed without looking around.
The butler did not follow Rubenio further and closed the door.
There were three people inside. Rubenio, Caesar and Nineina.
Rubenio lowered himself and laid her down on the bed.
The weight he had held vanished.
Rubenio put a blanket over her body, holding back the desire to hug her so tightly that her chest would burst without letting go.
“Like an angel.”
Rubenio collapsed and sank, resting his forehead on his gathered hands.
‘Lofenia, are you watching? Our baby…’
All he saw was a face so full of heat that was unable to even cry properly.
It was so short of breath that he thought he’d rather see her cry violently.
On a day when he happened to see an unknown baby, he imagined it by comparing the last child he saw to an unfamiliar face.
He wondered how angelic her sleeping face would be.
First babble, turn over, sit, walk, talk…
His stomach hurt, his chest burned and his throat was stuffy.
The things he could only see at that moment were so precious that he worked hard every night.
I wanted to be with you every moment, holding your sleeping hand, telling you to sleep well, touching your heart and singing an awkward lullaby.
I really wanted to be together.
“Nia… she is so pretty… very much… I regret it…”
Tears seemed to flow into his lungs and fill his breath.
He was very sad. At the same time, he was furious.
He was wondering why he couldn’t protect his one and only baby.
Rubenio called out to Caesar in a sullen voice.
Rubenio’s gaze still hadn’t moved away from Nineina.
“Did I have a tail?”